Longer Than I Expected

Wow, that took nearly two weeks.

I thought if I made some big deal of doing a public confessional, I would somehow be motivated to get on the stick and take care of business.

No such luck.

Anyway, I finally did take care of a couple of small things. I had gotten a letter in the mail from the IRS. I filed last year's tax returns online, and there was a form that I needed to mail in in order to make my returns official. I never mailed it. I just, kind of, blew it off. I am not sure whether I expected the IRS to just forget about me. Whatever I thought, I was wrong.

After receiving the first letter a few months ago, I had every intention of taking care of things, but I didn't. It's not like it was a difficult thing to take care of -- it was just a form. But still, I didn't take care of things. I buried my head in the sand.

When I got my second letter a couple of weeks ago, I started to get scared.

You see, the IRS isn't the only arm of the government I am working with right now. There is another branch (I won't go into too much detail right now) to which I owe a significant amount of money. Every month, I have to write a check. Every month I am late with the check. Every month I am scared that I am going to get into deeper trouble than I am already in.

Still, today I took care of the IRS, and that was a good thing. I mailed off my little form and that felt very good.

I am not out of the hole. I will have another return to file in a couple of months, and I am sure I will put that off until the last possible moment.

I have a car that needs an oil change and some other maintenance.

I have bills that are piling up at home, and I am not sure whether I can take care of them all.

At work, I am every bit as irresponsible as I am in my personal affairs.

Can I ever change my ways? Can I ever be a responsible, productive member of society?

I don't know. I wonder sometimes how I will every get through life acting the way I do. Things have only gotten worse the longer I have lived. I live in fear that tomorrow, the next day, and the day after, things will become worse than I can imagine today.

Am I already past the point of no return?