I'm In Deep Shit

It's not really a surprise. I have been treading water for years. Bouncing from one inadequate job to another. Piling up bills. Not paying. Hiding from creditors. Making bad decisions. Running on empty.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

So now, there are a couple of big things I am dealing with. I haven't decided how much detail I am going to go into, so I will only speak in generalities for now. Suffice it to say, I am dealing with more than one governmental office. I owe some money. That's all I really want to say right now.

Anyway, the way I have dealt with these things in the past has been to just ignore it. It will go away. Kind of like the credit card company that finally quits calling for their money. Just don't take the calls long enough and they get the idea.

Not that I set out to cheat the credit card companies. It just kind of happened. At some point I probably could have still taken care of things. But it was just easier to let sleeping dogs lie. If I had money in the bank, I spent it on making myself comfortable and happy in the moment. I could blame others--my family, my partner, that salesman at Circuit City--but the truth is I just decided to deny to myself that I needed to pay those bills.

Eventually no one would loan me money anymore. Or at least I had enough shame not to ask anyone to loan me money.

Unfortunately, there are those other matters, legal matters, that I am dealing with.

One of them should be easy to take care of. It involves signing a form and sending it in. Damn it, though, I have been putting it off and putting it off. I should be doing that right now instead of writing in a fucking blog that I probably won't even keep up with beyond a couple of weeks.

But there is my problem. I know what I should do, but I don't have the, what--self-respect, discipline, intelligence, I don't know--whatever it takes to do what I know I should do.

If any of this makes any sense.

Whatever.

If you hear from me again it will be me reporting back the fact that I have completed my form or I will be informing you of my impending court date.